Decisions, Decisions

May flew by.  I had the MRI, and they found nothing structurally wrong with my knee.  So the doctor decided to give me a cortisone injection right through my patellar tendon and then acted like I was a wimp because I chose not to look.  He is a bit sadistic, if I have never mentioned that before.  After the shot, my knee was very swollen and stiff and painful.  It got better after a few days and I was completely pain-free before the one week that the doc said it would take.  I had a slight relapse after physical therapy, but that pain was short-lived... just a few days.  I did a lot that week:  Biggest Loser Finale, San Diego Zoo, Padres baseball game, trip to Catalina, etc.  It was a lot of fun!  But the pain started to come back while driving my car.  The clutch seems to be doing me in, but both my cars are sticks.  What can I do?  I let Raul drive as much as possible, but he can't always be with me.

I missed PT Wednesday.  It was the last day I had company, as I dropped my mom off at the airport that morning.  It was nice to have quiet and nowhere to be... or so I thought.  It wasn't until Raul was at a meeting that night that I started thinking about what I needed to be doing the following week and realized that I did in fact have something to do that day besides drive my mom to the airport.  I completely brain-farted PT.  Ugh.  And I didn't want to go back for my Friday appointment, but I thought if I showed up Friday they might just let the missed appointment slide.  I was wrong.  I had to pay the $45 no-show fee.  Grrrr.  So I didn't make any new appointments.  Not because of the no-show fee but because I cannot afford to keep going.  I have already gone twice a week for two months.  Right now I cannot justify continuing, especially since I gave up on doing my exercises at home after week 5 or 6 when I re-injured myself for the second time.  There are times when I feel like PT is aggravating what is going on with me, and it's a bit confusing that my physical therapist and my doctor both talk about different issues, like they are not on the same page.  I don't think either one of them is necessarily wrong; but it is just odd to me that they are both focused on something different.  It just doesn't seem right, and I suppose that adds to my ambivalence, that I don't really know what the problem is.  At this point I don't want to waste any more time or money going to PT.  I feel like I would be better off using that time just going to the gym and truly starting off slow on the bike and/or treadmill, being extremely conservative.

So I have decided to go rogue and will be working on my rehab on my own.  It's an easier decision for me since I am mostly pain-free right now.  I want to have control of my life and my body again.  I am tired of being out of shape, tired of eating crap all the time because I am too stressed out to plan my meals ahead of time, tired of feeling down.  I want to see what I can do on my own.  Hopefully it will go well.  I plan on having more fun and saving more money in the process.  :-)